she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
