it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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