Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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