If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
