I hate all girls vehemently.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
