kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
