I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
