Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
