Just cropdusted the office
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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