as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He shit in the fireplace
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
