The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
