My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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