the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
