I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
3pm strippers are depressing
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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