I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
