No more Irish car bombs ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
