winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
