I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
