Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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