Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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