Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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