i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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