hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
