Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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