I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
