he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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