Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
