Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize