I just pynch a tree in the face
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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