dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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