Tell her she can't have a vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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