So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
