She said her name was "party"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
