I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
