you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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