Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Vodka?
Forever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
