You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
