dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
