Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
