:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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