Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
