What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
