I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
