I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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