i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
