Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.

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(618): View more from Illinois

It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting

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(954): View more from Florida

We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water

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(219): View more from Indiana

Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.

(616): View more from Michigan

I think you’re losing coherence.

(219): View more from Indiana

I am

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