I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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