she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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