Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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