I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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