Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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