Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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