I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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