I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
