I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
