what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
