My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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