my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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