My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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