she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
