I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
