I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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