her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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