I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize