I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
