11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
