Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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