I met the friendliest cop last night
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
