Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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