My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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